A Stormyfang Spoof: Into the Wild
by Stormyfang502
Summary: The same basic plot as Into the Wild, just with a lot of warping and altering involved. Kind of a crack-fic spoof, if we have to be specific. T for language. I don't own Warriors.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:**** So I have decided to do a spoof of the Warriors series, just because I felt like it. On top of that, I was really bored in school, and decided to go to the library to type this. So this is the product of me being in the library for my lunch period. Enjoy! P.S. I DO NOT own Warriors. Erin Hunter does. I'm just here to write a spoof of it.**

**Chapter One**

_Ring, ring…ring. Ring, ring, ring…ring._

Rusty opened his eyes in agony. If he heard that damn bell one more time, and if he didn't find out where it was coming from, some housefolk would have to pay. He looked down at his collar.

"DAMN IT," he hissed, realizing the horrible truth. It was him, like all the other times.

He clambered out of his…what'cha ma callit, and tripped over a bug. Needless to say, the bug was very upset and hit him over the head with a tiny frying pan.

Rusty strolled out of his house, and sprang up to the fence barricading him from the outside world.

"I JUST WANNA….go out into the forest," he sobbed loudly.

"THEN WHY DON'T YOU GO," a voice came from right next to him; it was that obnoxious kitten from next door.

"GET YOUR VOICE OUT OF MY EAR, AND LEAVE ME ALONE, YA FRUIT," Rusty yelled back, causing the kitten to tumble off of the fence.

The kitten climbed back onto the fence like nothing had happened.

"Hi, my name's Smudge, and…"

"I KNOW WHO YOU ARE," roared Rusty, "Now GO AWAY WHILE I GO INTO THE FOREST."

"WAIT," Smudge yowled, "You can't go in there! There are evil kitties that eat kittens," he squeaked.

Rusty glared at him.

"Here's a solution for you. DON'T GO IN. I'll see you later, bye!"

"But Henry said…"

"Henry sucks. He doesn't get an opinion."

X

Rusty pranced around in the forest until…he tripped over another bug. He looked around to see if anyone was around and saw a gray cat howling with laughter.

"And I thought Bluestar said you were gonna save the Clan. StarClan must have thistle for brains," he yowled.

Rusty sprang to his paws, and charged at the other cat. The other cat pulled out a blindfold and miraculously tied it around Rusty's eyes.

"Now that you can't see, I can laugh at you even more! But I'm not here to talk about that. I'm Graypaw, and I'm a ThunderClan apprentice," he mewed.

"Where are you? I'm gonna eat your ears," Rusty screeched.

"…Did you just say you're going to _eat_ my _ears_," Graypaw squeaked, backing away from Rusty.

"Yes. Yes I did," Rusty meowed proudly.

"EVERYONE, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! THERE'S A KITTYPET WHO EATS EARS," Graypaw shouted, running into a HUUUGGGEEEEEEEEEE golden tom.

"Oh hai Mark," Graypaw shouted.

"You moronic dunderhead. Why are you blundering through the forest like a Twoleg?"

"Oh no you didn't! I know you ain't just call me a raggedy ol' Twoleg," Graypaw gasped.

"Le gasp," Rusty called, still blindfolded.

"SHUT UP, YOU PATHETICALLY WEAK MUFFIN," the tom roared, throwing a rock at Rusty.

"Missed me," Rusty taunted.

"So, um…Lionheart, what are you doing here? I didn't know you came out to this part of the woods," Graypaw mewed meekly.

"Of course I do. I live here for StarClan's sake," Lionheart growled.

"Wait, now I'm confused," Rusty complained, "What in the world is StarClan?"

"Ohmigawd! He doesn't know what StarClan is. D-do w-we kill him, or what," Graypaw pondered.

"I vote we go back to camp and eat some cake," another voice shouted.

"THE CAKE IS A LIE," Graypaw roared back.

A gray she-cat stepped out from behind a tree, "How dare you disrespect the cake," she yelled, "For that, you'll be on kitchen duty for the next week."

"What's a kitchen?"

"Never mind that. Oh hai, kittypet. Wanna join ThunderClan? We have cookies," the she-cat pulled out a plate of cookies.

"No, not really. My mommy told me never to talk to strangers," Rusty said indignantly, "Who are you anyway?"

"I'm Bluestar, leader of ThunderClan! We have cupcakes."

"No thanks."

"Muffins?"

"Not a fan."

"Well…Tigerstar has a stash of yaoi he keeps in his…whoops. I wasn't supposed to say that," Lionheart said sheepishly.

"Wait, Tigerheart keeps hidden yaoi? What is this madness," Graypaw whined.

"How does he turn the pages," Rusty mused, "I'll join!"

"Because of the yaoi," Graypaw mewed.

"NO," Rusty mewed hastily.

"It's because of the yaoi," Graypaw and Lionheart confirmed.

"It has nothing to do with yaoi," Rusty tried effortlessly.

"It's okay, everybody in ThunderClan likes yaoi," Graypaw assured, "Even the kits do."

"Enough with the yaoi," Lionheart roared, "Doon't we have something better to be doing?"

""You said 'doon't'," Bluestar snickered.

"SHUT UP! Aren't you supposed to be the serious one? I'm not even the deputy and I'm more serious about this than you," Lionheart asked.

"You were the one who brought up the yaoi," Graypaw pointed out.

"STOP WITH THE YAOI," Lionheart roared.

"NEVER! VIVA LA YAOI," Graypaw roared back.

"So, are you going to join us or what," Bluestar yawned, "This is way too drawn out."

"Uh, I'm having second thoughts…"

"I take that as a yes," Bluestar answered for him, "Be here at sunhigh or be killed my zombie minions."

"O-okay…I guess. I don't want to be killed by zombies. Not this time," Rust shuddered.

"See ya then," Lionheart meowed cheerily.

"OMFG! BYE," Graypaw squealed.

**A/N:**** Yes, that was longer than I was hoping it to be. But I got down the stuff I wanted. Was is too stupid? Was it stupid enough? TELL ME, DAMN IT. R&R! Peaces.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:**** Chapter 2 of my spoof! I get the feeling I've made it a little too stupid, even for me…enjoy anyway.**

**Chapter Two**

Rusty blinked in the glaring sun. He hated the sun. A lot. He wished he could fly there and destroy it with giant missiles.

Looking out of the window, he stared at the wretched thing of doom. Wasn't there something he was supposed to be doing? Something about fried chicken…? Or was it the ocean? Or maybe the forest?

"HOLY CRAP. I have to go to the beach with Smudge today. I can't do it. What should my excuse be? I…was, um…I know! I was abducted by wild forest cats. It's believable enough."

Laughing to himself, Rusty escaped from the annoying house and immediately trampled over Smudge.

"Uh, how can I help you sir? What are you doing in my yard?"

"I was so excited I couldn't wait any longer. Are you ready to go to the beach," came Smudge's muffled voice from under Rusty's paw.

_Well, here goes._ "See, uh, when I went into the forest…three…cats, yeah three cats showed up and threatened me to join their Clan. Or else they'd send zombies after me." That sounded awesome!

"You should probably go. I know I wouldn't want zombies coming after me," Smudge advised seriously.

"R-right. What about the beach?"

"I can always go by myself. You should probably go. I'll see you," Smudge chirped, getting into his convertible and driving away.

"That was easier than expected. Now what was I really supposed to be doing." Rusty mused, stepping into the forest.

"Psst...Hey. Hey you. Kittypet. YOU OVER THERE!" Rusty turned around to see a vaguely familiar cat chasing after him.

"Do I know you? I can't help feel that I know you somehow…"

"It's me, Lionheart. Remember from last night? I was there, Graypaw was there, you were there, and Bluestar was there," this odd cat meowed.

"Oh right. Hey, who's that over there behind that tree," Rusty questioned, seeing another cat close by.

"I IS THE GREAT WHITESTORM! FEAR ME OR DIE!"

There was an awkward pause.

"So I'm guessing this guy's Whitestorm? Is he from ThunderClan too?"

"You would be correct," Lionheart sighed, "Even though it's never stated, he's Bluestar's nephew."

"WE IS GOING TO THE CAMP NOW," Whitestorm roared, dashing through the bushes.

"Should we follow him," Rusty asked, shrinking away from Lionheart,

"No, follow me. He'll only get us lost."

"Should we go after him? I mean, will he be okay by himself?"

"Probably, I mean, he's survived all this time. It's kind of amazing," Lionheart admitted.

X

"WE'RE BACK IN CAMP," Lionheart shouted, sending cats scrambling in every direction, "WE HAVE THE KITTYPET LIKE YOU WANTED BLUESTAR!"

"Did he just say kittypet?"

"Holy crap, there's a kittypet among us!"

"What's a kittypet again?"

"That's good. Now get over here while I climb this stupid rock," a familiar voice yawned. Bluestar crawled from some crack in a wall and stumbled over to the rock in question.

"If you're old enough to not be called a stupid kit, get over here," Bluestar mewed, prompting a tidal wave of cats to crash in front of the rock, "Now we're here to make this pathetic kittypet a ThunderClan apprentice. If you have any problems, take it up with him."

"Hey, you stupid kittypet, why doon't you just go back home," a stupid looking tabby hissed from behind Rusty.

"You said 'doon't'," someone snickered in the crowd.

"I don't want to go home," Rusty complained, "there's a stupid kitten who never shuts up."

"Your mom never shuts up," the tabby hissed.

"Longtail, that was too far," Lionheart gasped.

"I WILL NOT STAND FOR INDECENCIES SAID AGAINST MY MOTHER," Rusty screeched, charging at Longtail.

"Lolz, the kittypet thinks he can beat me. I'll show him," Longtail growled. Rusty hit him on the nose with a frying pan.

"OWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! That hurt," Longtail yowled, "Well, guess what? I got your stupid kittypet collar."

"I don't want it anyway," Rusty grumbled.

"Okay, now that that's over with, you're gonna be an apprentice. You look like fire. With that in mind, I could give you a variety of names. For example, 'Flarepaw, Infernopaw, Flamepaw, Burningpaw, Scorchpaw' are all on the list. However, I'm going to just call you Firepaw. Get over it or get out."

"Okay…so now what," Rusty asked.

"I don't care. Do whatever the hell you want," Bluestar snapped.

Well then. That was awkward.

**A/N:**** Chapter 2 is complete. I shall be back with more, eventually. Just wait, okay? STOP PRESSURING ME. R&R!**


End file.
